Ramblings about exercise and diet

6 months ago, a day after my 38th birthday, I stared at a photo taken during the home celebration and thought to myself, WTF, I looked like crap, frumpy, fat and haggard (partly also it was a super lousy celebration, don't ask). Finally took the courage to step onto the weighing scale and I was a bit shocked. Sheesh, confirming my suspicion that I put on a lot of weight (was always in denial). The tell-tale signs were there, a lot of clothes felt tight or worse, I couldn't fit into them. My HbA1c is also hovering at borderline ideal range.

It was there and then, I decided to make a change and that very evening, I started my exercise regime. Just start, don't make excuses, 1km is better than nothing at all! Started very slow covering only 1.5km and building up to about 5km progressively over 1 month. And thanks to my good friend J, who introduced me to the Runkeeper app, I'm able to track all my runs and exercise, keeping me in check and motivated!

In addition, started eating healthier and a bit of (mental) calorie counting, more vegetables and proteins and lesser carbo (more during breakfast and lunch and very little or none for dinner); try to avoid eating after 8pm. Once in a while, I still indulge but in moderation. The weight loss started off very slowly and at times I felt deflated, so I gave myself a goal, in fact 2 goals - to participate in a competitive 5km run (in 3 months) and to reward myself with a luxury branded bag upon losing 5kg.

Well, now that I have achieved my first 2 goals, I thought of penning my thoughts that went through my mind the past 6 months. I'm not the type who write motivational messages and what not. Actually these are just silly or even cynical ramblings, laughing at myself, so don't take me seriously!

1. It took me 6 months of exercising 3-4 times a week, 4-6km each time, PLUS minimal carbo and lots of wholegrains and vegetables to lose 7kg. To me, it’s torture ok. I can’t decide whether I hate exercising more or dieting more.
2. I really envy people who could eat all they want and wouldn’t gain weight or still look slim! For me, slightly more carbo will make me gain kilos. Or I suspect, even breathing air will make me get fat.
3. I love food. Period. If I’m the type of people who will not gain weight no matter how much I eat, I will definitely live to eat.
4. Nowadays I’m constantly hungry. I hardly have snacks at home, so I will linger in the kitchen trying to find any snacks at all. I love looking at food photos on FB, blogs, Instagram and sometimes I would just salivate at the pictures.
5. Sometimes I will steal snacks from the kiddo’s goodie bags from school. I don’t allow him to eat most of the stuff anyway and if I don’t eat them, they go to the waste bin. Waste not right?
6. I love to bake and cook. But the irony of it, nowadays I eat very little of what I baked and cooked. They went elsewhere, no prizes as to where they went.
7. No, I've NOT turned into a health nut eating vegan and whatever macrobiotic diet. I repeat, I LOVE food, all the fatty, sinful ones, bring them on! Just in moderation, or work them off lor.
8. I get water retention and bloaty very easily, if I don’t drink enough water. So I’m like a thirsty hippo drinking 2-2.5L of water every day, which is supposedly the recommended amount of water intake, which I believe most people don’t do. I wonder how they manage it.
9. 6 months ago, I’ve not jogged like in 10 years. Never in my life would I imagine myself to join competitive 5km runs either. But I did 2 so far.  Before I started all this running, my hb jio me to run 10km. I’m thinking to myself, siao bo? Run 5km want to die already, can I really do 10km?
10. Anyways, I am very proud of myself, in fact surprised by my own determination. For that I’m rewarding myself with a branded handbag. Yes an expensive 4-figure one. I don’t care (less than $2k ok right?). No, not Chanel lah, cannot afford. But then, if I lost 10kg and run 10km and win 10million, maybe I will?
11. Although I have lost 7kg, I still look stumpy. I have fat arms, that look like legs. And legs that look like tree trunk. I have resigned to the fate that I might never be slim slim. My family has fat genes.
12. 5 years ago, I lost 12kg just by breastfeeding for 1 year. In fact I was the “lightest” since Secondary school days. I swear to myself I must maintain and not gain back the weight.
13. Swearing is no use, I gained back 8kg in 5 years. But I gonna swear again, to maintain the current weight. Or better still, lose some more as buffer so that I can afford to gain some back.
14. I’m convinced that I have to weigh myself every day so that I can keep in check. And only in the morning because I’m lighter in the morning! I would get paranoid even if I gain 200g, so I would relieve myself in the toilet and check again, maybe it’s just the water you know.
15. I have 2 weighing scales, a digital one and a mechanical one. The mechanical one is 1.5-2kg less. Sometimes to make myself feel better I weigh myself on that one.
16. The digital weighing scale also seems to have some error, sometimes when I change position, there will be a weight difference by a few hundred grams. So I would step up and down in different positions until I’m convinced.
17. My favourite pair of jeans which is super ex is getting loose, not sure if I should just wear it with belt or get another slimmer pair. It’s really ex ok!
18. Should I refresh my wardrobe since I’ve slimmed down? But 5 years ago, I refreshed my wardrobe but had to buy new ones coz I gained weight. If I refresh now, what if I gain weight again and have to buy new ones again? Cannot keep 2 sets lah, wardrobe space no enough.
19. I used to jog in the morning, but I’m not a morning person. I’m sluggish and grumpy. So now I exercise at 4pm to make it in time for the kiddo to be back from school. I thought I’m siao to run at 4pm coz most days it’s super hot. But then I saw more siao people jogging at 2 or 3pm when it’s blazing hot.
20. Each time before I jog, at about 3pm I will start looking out the window at the jogging track below my house to check the weather. And check at every 10 min interval. If it’s very hot, I would start debating to myself, should I go run at 4pm or not. Maybe I should just chill and take a break?
21. Sometimes when it’s cloudy, I would be so happy, but after I change and get ready, or about to start, the sun turns on full blaze and I would curse and swear, WTF!
22. Sometimes when it’s cloudy, I would be so happy, but after I change and get ready, or about to start, it starts to rain and I would curse and wear, WTF!
23. Once, it’s cloudy I was so happy, after about 1km, it started to drizzle. I rushed home to bring in my laundry. After bringing in my laundry, the rain stopped. WTF! I went back downstairs to continue, and the sun came out.
24. Usually my first 2-3 km is ok, energised and I could go on non-stop at a steady pace. But at the 3km pace, I start to regret, wondering why I am running and when will this ever end.
25. I often wonder, why do I even bother to diet or exercise at all?
26. Why is it that some people make running look so effortless, they run like air? I look like an elephant stomping the ground. And I huff and I puff like I’m about to collapse from asthma attack.
27. Sometimes the weather would be cloudy and breezy at noon and 2pm, and I would be thinking whether to go for a run. But I’m worried that the sun would come out suddenly and it’ll be crazily hot. But it remains cloudy till 4pm and after I get ready, it turns sunny.
28. Sometimes I find that I have no energy to run, is it because I’m on diet and eating less? But if I eat more in order to have more energy, then I’m not dieting and I can’t lose weight. How?
29. When I run, if I let my mind think about some drama/movie that I’ve watched recently I find the distance is not as daunting and time passes quickly. But if I let my mind go blank, I would be counting each and every step I take and wondering why after running so long, I only cover 50 meters.
30. Recently I tried jogging on treadmill at a hotel gym. It felts damn shiok to jog in air-con, and even better when plugging into Asian Food Channel watching Anna Olsen bake some mean looking molten chocolate cakes, and then thinking to myself, shall I reward myself with a slice of cake after the workout? Sheesh, have I turned into a health nut, exercising even during vacations?
31. My most satisfied moments about exercising - during the warm-down and stretching, thinking to myself, I have survived yet another workout, I have burnt like 300 calories which means I could indulge in something 1000 calories later?
32. My most satisfied moments about weight loss - stepping onto the weighing scale and seeing my weight go down and able to fit into old clothes once more, walking in clothing store and try on clothes a size smaller. 

P.S. Oh yah, secretly of course I would love to become more attractive and make heads turn and people telling me I look younger than my age. LOL!!!!!!!!